Don't Ask Mom, She Has No Idea

Reading Simcha's latest post from the mind of a very pregnant lady is yet another insight into my life right now. And I'm only on number 4! God help me, as apparently I have very low brain function starting out.

Having 14 months of not being pregnant left me with the deception that I was, indeed, a semi-intelligent functioning human being. I had energy my body has not seen the likes of in many years! My expectations had fallen so low that I was starting to exceed them, and it felt great! (Oh don't be too jealous; The Little Prince is still not sleeping through the night and has been quite *ahem* demanding. ) I was really settling into the idea that I could, in fact, cook dinner and put away laundry in the same day, and I think the rest of the family was enjoying it as well.

And then that little line made an appearance. Of all the things over which the female population wish to take Eve to task, my personal gripe is the unpleasantness of the First Trimester. My children, the sweet young things that they are, are unsure what to make of this crazy lady sprawled out in the middle of the floor yelling incoherently at them. I start to get frustrated that nobody is obeying a simple command, only for the 2 year old to ask "Mama what you talkin' 'bout?" Oh, I guess you can't really make up your own words to substitute for something you can't think of. Darn. ("hey, you very not good to yell, stop pesting your, uh, brother, uh, let joey crawl." and "thank you for the, uh, sipper, uh, drink thing, yes please pick the thing, other thing, round, uh ball, good job rollingish with Joey YESyoucangoplayoutsidewhatagreatidea!")

In light of this harsh reality, I would like a list of statements I can post somewhere... low so I can read them from the floor, of course. With a quick glance I can reference an intelligent, easy to understand statement to communicate a command or affirmation to my kids and avoid at least some of the confusion. "Ah, yes, please go get Joey's milk" can replace "Why is boy, Joey uh, noisecryingsad, can someone find no I don't know whereish it is his milk maybe upstairs were you playing in your room with his cup again?" I might get better results with "Please apologize to your sister" rather than "Stop fighting you're supposed to be loving and use NICE WORDS PUT YOUR HAND DOWN NOW I am talking to you and thank you for handing thing to can you please just say you are sorryer to her." Actually, as I type these out I am realizing that it might just be about minimizing the number words to which my children have to listen. Perhaps everyone could appreciate that.

Next topic: the list of reminders, such as "NEVER give the 15 month old chicken nuggets while feeling nauseous."