Home Security System

Move over, fancy-schmancy home security device companies, I have a low-cost solution.

First, leave your door unlocked. It is sure to befuddle the would-be burglar. He will not know that it is merely because you keep forgetting your keys, and instead will raise suspicions. Next, unleash your toddler in the living room for a few hours before leaving the house. When the would-be burglar opens the door he will be certain the house has already been hit, given the state of extreme disarray. This part could potentially backfire should he decide to report you to the health department and they condemn your house presuming it has been abandoned. Lastly, even if the intruder actually intrudes, he is sure to step on a building block or ball, sending him flying in the air to land with a thud, hitting his head on a Little People animal and cursing loudly enough to alert the neighbors better than any alarm system would.

Of course, the other potential downside to this set-up is the more realistic possibility that the "intruder" in question is actually Mama.